


What If?

by fringybitch



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Emotionally Constipated Babies, M/M, btwsu makes an ENCORE performance. strap in bc the whore's back, i just. needed something soft, it really do be like that sometimes, my first fic where i don't write about their dicks!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-31 02:55:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21056555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringybitch/pseuds/fringybitch
Summary: “Tom, have you heard of that poem?”





	What If?

**Author's Note:**

> the standard RPF note. i'd've tagged this as a "t*msc*tt fanfic" but i'm not in the mood to be called out publicly for being horny or whatever. if you come across this, don't show this to tom (or matt!) and make them read it and all. and if you are tom, or matt - well, don't read this. just comment and i'll delete it.

“Tom, have you heard of that poem?”

They’d been sitting in silence for quite a bit, and Matt was only trying to break the silence between them. Him and Tom had just gotten the tiniest bit of free time after filming a few videos for their channel, and they allowed themselves to relax off-camera, even if only for a little, on the same park bench they’d been on for the past two hours. The view of the sunset was wonderful.

“Huh?” Tom questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Two lovers, sat on a park bench… with their bodies touchi-”

“Oh, shut up,” Tom burst out laughing at Matt’s unexpected response. “You’re joking. And it isn’t even night… the sun’s just setting. Look.”

Tom's gaze focused on the sun falling slowly from the sky, which was peacefully fading from its usual bright blue to a gentle, calming red. “Look… it's beautiful.”

Matt turned his head to his left, now looking at Tom, and he felt nothing but pure happiness as he did so.   


"It's… such a  _ bloody good _ view," Matt whispered, as if only for himself, part of him wondering if Tom heard him. The man sitting next to him on the bench was so focused on the breathtaking view in front of him that, at first, Matt's words passed by him, unheard; it was only after a few moments that his attention was finally grabbed by what Matt had just said.   


Tom looked to his right, and there he was: Matt, staring serenely at him, his chocolate brown eyes glowing with delight, a familiar, heartwarming smile lighting up his face, the sunlight shining against his ink black curls. Tom didn't think he could see Matt looking even more beautiful than he knew him to be - yet, somehow, he'd just been proven wrong, and he couldn't be happier.   


"It is." Tom smiled, just like Matt. "You're beautiful."   


"Am I?"   


Matt turned his head back, looking forward. The sun was peacefully setting after the long day, letting its rays of warm orange and pretty pink light up the entire sky in a wonderful show of colour... and, despite that, Tom's point of focus suddenly changed, and now his "bloody good view" all boiled down to one single thing. Some _ one _ . Matt.

“You're perfect, Matt, and you don't even know it.”

How could he look away, when Matt was right there, next to him, gorgeously smiling at the beautiful world in front of them, patiently waiting for whatever would come next? Each passing second on that park bench felt like everything was in slow motion, and Tom loved it, and he had no idea if he was supposed to do something, but there was one thing he knew for sure: he felt like home.

Never looking away from Matt, Tom slowly moved his hand until it finally touched Matt's - and Tom almost pulled it back, wanting to pretend it was accidental, but he didn't. Something inside him told him not to.

Almost immediately, to Tom's surprise, Matt giggled quietly; he grabbed Tom's hand, holding it with his own, before Tom even had the chance to move it away.

"God, was I waiting for you to finally do something," Matt laughed out, noticing the shy, almost embarrassed look on Tom's face as he said it.

“Why didn't  _ you _ do it then, Matt?”

“…I don't know.”

There was a connection between them, and a strong one at that. But Tom wasn't exactly sure of what he felt for Matt, and he had even less of a clue about what Matt thought it all meant, and neither of them really wanted to know; the beauty was in the simplicity of it all, and the only thing that mattered was that they felt happy next to one another, whether it was just a simple friendship or… something else.

Although, in moments like these, Tom would suddenly question everything, look for an answer, an explanation for it - and he'd never find one.

_ Was this love? Was he overthinking? Did Matt even care about him? Did Matt love him? _ And of course he loved Matt, and Matt loved him, both in their own way, because he knew Matt wouldn't have been next to him through the best and worst moments of his life, wouldn't have been there with him in that very moment, if it weren't for… love.

They never talked about  _ what  _ they were. Frankly, they barely had time to just  _ talk  _ without being in the frame of a camera - most of their time they could spend together tended to go towards making content for their channels, and it’s not like they didn’t enjoy it… but they rarely had any time to relax, let alone next to one another. And moments like these felt like a gift from God.

“Look at the sunset, though…” Tom broke the silence in between them, admiring the breathtaking colours of the sky as the sun neared the horizon. “Wow. That’s beautiful.”

“It is.”

Matt seemed… content. That's the way he wanted to look, at least. But he knew for sure that he felt happy. Tom was the only person who could still make him feel happy, and Matt couldn’t thank him enough for it.

It had been so long since they first met, and at this point life without Tom was unimaginable. Even with all the time in the world, he still wouldn’t have enough to talk about even half of the amazing experiences he’d been through with Tom, and some of the best moments he’d had in his entire life were thanks to him. A long while ago, Tom saved his life, dragging him out of the darkest place of his own mind and stopping him from the worst he could've done - and only God could know whether he'd still have been alive or not, had he found Tom in another place and time, or not at all… 

That was in the past, though, and they'd come a long way since.

It should’ve been a simple friendship, but it just couldn't be - there was  _ something  _ that made it different. They didn’t care what it was, though. At least Tom obviously didn't. Somehow, Matt made Tom happy, and Tom made him happier. And every time he was with Tom, he felt more alive than ever.

Matt loved him. He loved him so much, more than he could ever show through words, and it was so blatantly obvious, but he was unsure of whether he should act on it. There was something inside him, telling him that he’d never hear the same words back from Tom.  _ What if he just got it all wrong? What if he didn’t actually love Tom? What if Tom never loved him? What if? _

And he knew it was untrue, and he couldn’t even believe himself when saying it, but that thought was still there, stopping him from just… telling Tom the way he felt.

_ What if? _

Matt lazily laid his head on Tom's shoulder, curious to see the way Tom would react; to Matt's surprise, Tom didn't move away this time, the way Matt expected from him - instead, a sweet, honest smile appeared on Tom’s face, seeing how Matt suddenly felt more comfortable when he laid his head down.

“Heh… last time I did this, Tom, you pulled away.”

It took Tom a few seconds to remember what Matt meant by  _ last time _ , but he eventually understood.

“That was on camera, Matt. How long ago even was that? I barely remember.”

“We were… “sick of each other”. I just- I was just wondering if it feels nice like this,” he explained.

“…Does it?”

Matt craved physical touch more than anything, but didn't know how to ask. He always thought that asking Tom for something like hugs for no reason would be ridiculous, and he didn't even dare to think about asking him for anything more.

“It really does. It's nice.”

Tom was his best friend, and he didn't have any other person he felt as close to, yet it still felt odd to ask him for… affection. For touch. He never did, because he expected Tom to pull away, like he did that one time. But now… he needed this. And it felt good.

The soft fabric of the red T-shirt Tom was wearing felt so nice against his skin… but there was still one part of him, a shy thought in the corner of his mind, almost wishing Tom wasn’t wearing it.

Oh, God, not in that sense.

…Okay, maybe in that sense.

He kept telling himself it was weird to think of Tom like  _ that,  _ but he couldn't help it. And only God knows how many times he'd thought of it… all the times he imagined just how beautiful Tom must’ve looked under all the clothes he always wore, and how perfect his body must've been, and how smooth, how soft Tom's skin would've felt against his own, and… 

_ Not now. _

He knew he’d never be able to even dream of anything like that… as long as he didn’t say anything, at least. It was definitely on his mind, though. Now more than ever.

“Tom… thank you,” Matt whispered, sounding as if it were supposed to be a secret. Tom giggled in response.

With each second flying by, as the sun came closer and closer to the horizon line, Tom's heart started beating faster. An odd feeling of anxiety was slowly but surely building up, and it felt like everything was headed towards something grand - however, Tom didn't know what to do, and his only choice was to wait and see if Matt would do anything to change it.

He had nothing to worry about, at least for now. Neither of them even thought of leaving.

“What if?” Matt accidentally mumbled, but not as quietly as he’d hoped. And Tom heard it.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

_ …What if he told Tom? _

If he was ever going to say it, this would be the perfect time. Matt grew sick of sitting in silence, knowing what he’d never said out loud, and that the words that were about to escape his mouth had the power to change everything… for better or for worse.

Tom loved him. But he loved Tom more. And Tom deserved to know.

But he couldn't say it.

_ “You're the perfect one, Tom, and you deserve to know this… I love you. I love you so much, and I owe you everything, and I literally could not imagine my life without you. I'd never have even half the time I'd need just to talk about what I love about you, but everything about you, from your personality to your sense of humour, to your gorgeous looks, to the empathy and love that somehow kept you around me…” _

Every single word was already there in his mind, and he’d thought of saying it so many times before… He wished he could say it all, get it off his chest,  _ finally _ let Tom know what he had always felt. Tom deserved this.

_ “You have no idea just how perfect you are, and all the things you've done for me, they all mean more than anything to me, and whenever I make you smile it's the best feeling in the world. I wonder if you feel the same way. I love you, Tom.”  _

But he couldn't. He didn't know what stopped him, but he couldn't.

“Matt, did you want to say something?”

“I just… I- It doesn't matter.“

“Matt?" Tom asked, with a worried tone in his voice. “Just say it.”

_ He had to. _

“Tom…” he breathed out anxiously.

He just couldn’t say it to him.

Matt lifted his head up from Tom’s shoulder. And he nearly lost track of what he meant to do - it took one brief moment of eye contact, and suddenly he couldn't look away, because the mysterious green shade of Tom's eyes was simply hypnotizing. With his gaze focused on Tom’s delightful, glowing eyes, Matt put his hand on Tom's shoulder, and as soon as his palm touched the fabric of the T-shirt, Tom gasped in surprise, raising his eyebrows.

Having gained Tom's full attention, Matt took a deep breath, parting his lips, and sighed out. And, eventually, he said it.

“I love you, Tom.”

Everything went silent. And that damn silence, following the words he'd just said, was killing him. God, why did he say it?  _ And what if Tom didn't love him back?  _

“Matt…“

_ Oh no. _

_ Why did he do this? He shouldn't have said it. Because now Tom's gonna be shocked, and of course he's not gonna feel the same way, and he's just made a big mis- _

“I love you too.”

“Tom, wait, wait…” Matt attempted to rephrase his sentence, thinking he didn't make himself clear. “I don't mean it platonically, I meant that I  _ love _ you-”

“I know,” Tom interrupted, with a reassuring smile on his face. “I know it… And I love you too.”

_ That was unexpected. _

Matt’s heartbeat slowed down, and it felt so, so relieving to finally  _ say it. _ But the last part of what Tom told him didn't seem to make sense.

“Did you already… know?”

“I didn't," Tom admitted, “I wasn't sure… I couldn't be sure. But the little things you did, all the little compliments, all the signs you gave away, it seemed like it… I liked to  _ hope  _ that you liked me, at least. Because I… I feel something for you. And I don't know what it is, but I wanted you to… love me back.”

“But why didn't you tell me anythi-”

“Why didn’t  _ you  _ tell me?”

“Tom… I was afraid, I didn’t know, I thought you wouldn’t feel the same way, and I didn’t want to ruin what we already had, and… and I… God, I don't even know how to say it. I thought… thought you would've never loved me.”

Instead of saying anything else, carrying on with his talking, Matt closed his lips shut and pulled his hand back, away from Tom's shoulder, attempting to move it up to Tom’s face. He was curious, more than anything, to find out just how delicate, how soft Tom’s pale skin felt, and how gorgeously Tom would’ve smiled at the feeling of his tender touch… because Tom's smile was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He didn't have the chance to move it too far, though - he froze in place when he felt Tom’s soft, trembling hand against his, grabbing it and slowly moving it up to his own face, until Matt's fingertips finally touched with Tom's flushing red face. Tom smiled. And Matt understood what Tom was trying to tell him… It was okay.  _ He loved him back _ .

There was something wonderful about the touch of Matt's hand against his skin, and Tom simply couldn’t describe it through words, but it made him more excited for this than ever. And the way Matt’s thumb gently traced at his lips, carefully, as if he were fragile, and the utterly lovestruck look in Matt’s eyes as he stared - curiously, but patiently - into the passionately glowing eyes of the one he’d always loved…

Those four words echoed in Tom’s head, over and over, like a broken record.

_ “I love you, Tom.” _

And he wanted more. No, no, he  _ needed  _ more. He needed it, so badly, and he felt like he couldn’t wait anymore. But he remained patient and he didn’t say anything, letting Matt do whatever he wished.

“So… now what?” Matt asked, trying to give the impression that he wasn’t internally freaking out, because of everything that happened in the span of the last few minutes. “Tom, what do we do?”

“We have time… and we have so much to do. God, Matt, you're beautiful, and I want you to remember that,” Tom replied, noticing the big, adorable grin on Matt’s face as soon as those words left his mouth. Tom didn't even think twice before slowly slipping his hand through the other's dark black hair, softer to the touch than velvet, Matt closing his eyes at the feeling. Tom gently pulled Matt’s head closer to him, slowly sliding his own hand to Matt's face.

Before they knew it, they were so close to each other, and it felt so intimate, so  _ different _ \- and the only thing on Tom's mind at the moment was  _ one _ simple question, which he so desperately wanted to find the answer to.

_ What if he kissed Matt? _

Matt was right there, and his lips looked more beautiful than ever. But, maybe, it was all too quick, and he found it sort of funny how he still wasn't sure of what Matt wanted.

“Matt…  _ what if…” _ he attempted to ask, breathing heavily.

“Tom,” Matt stopped him, looking into Tom’s eyes once again, “whatever it is that you want to do, do it. Now. Please.” Tom parted his lips, and closed his eyes - and Matt watched him, then did the same.

Tom whispered, one more time. “Matt, I love you. More than anything in the world _ .“  _

And then, it finally happened.

Their lips touched. And, at that moment, the entire world around them felt like it had been paused, just for them, in hopes that they’d be able to live this moment forever. God, they wished they never had to let go, and neither of them wanted to - it was only after a good few seconds that Tom pulled away, heart beating faster than ever, trying to catch his breath.

“I never… expected it to feel this different, Matt, but I love it-”

“Stop talking, Tom… just kiss me.”

Matt leaned in, his hand now tangled through Tom's soft,  _ oh, so soft,  _ and so gorgeously messy light brown hair. And the other kiss that followed, a kiss so deep and sweet and full of lust and desire, Matt's tongue sloppily sliding in between Tom’s addictingly soft lips, being so rapidly hooked in by the way Tom gasped every time their skin touched… it was the best few seconds they'd ever lived.

Matt pulled his own head back, his gaze fully focused on Tom's beautifully reddened lips. Matt's hands both slid down to Tom's face, as if they had a mind of their own; and Matt leaned in to kiss Tom, again, and again, claiming his mouth with swift, lustful movements, hoping to get as much of this moment as possible. And every single time, he felt more alive than before, and he knew Tom did too.

It felt like heaven on earth. No, that was an understatement. It felt magical, it felt unreal, it felt like nothing they had ever felt before, and they would've paid everything they had just for those moments, that feeling of their lips pressed together, to never end. For the world surrounding them to vanish into nothingness, leaving behind just  _ them _ , the two lovers on a park bench, who were now deeply kissing as the sun went down past the horizon.

A shiver rippled down Matt's spine when he heard something, a quiet whimper, muffled in the back of Tom's throat, a sweet, mindless sound of pure pleasure - making Matt’s heart skip a beat. And, God, did he want to hear it again. Tom’s voice sounded like music to his ears, and the feeling of his velvety soft lips pressing against his own turned his mind to mush, leaving him unable to do anything else but crave more of it… so much more.

But, in a matter of seconds, Matt's lips weren't touching with Tom's anymore - Tom couldn't help but let out soft, breathy whines as Matt impatiently kissed him along his neck, plump lips carefully sliding across every single inch of it. Tom closed his eyes as Matt sucked gently at his pale, smooth, utterly perfect-looking skin. And, in the midst of it all, Tom attempted to whisper the sweet little nothings that were on his mind, knowing how much Matt deserved to hear it all, but all that he could let out through his own heavy breathing was an incoherent string of syllables.

It didn't matter, because the unapologetic whines and sighs sliding off of Tom's tongue spoke more than a thousand words.

“Matt… M-Matt… let me talk…” Tom barely managed to let out, almost worriedly, unsure of whether Matt would even bother to listen to him. Thankfully, Matt immediately let go, waiting for Tom to speak up once again.

“Matt… please don't give me hickeys, Matt, I won't be able to cover them… at least let's not do this here,“ he whispered, even if something inside him told him that, maybe, he shouldn't have cared.

“Tom, if you don't want me to do this, just tell me.”

“No, Matt, please, I do, just… not here. Can we go home? Do  _ you _ want to-”

“I’ve never wanted it more than today, baby,” Matt interrupted him, with a sweet, loving kiss on his lips in response. God, he couldn't get enough of just how soft they felt. “The sun set a while ago - we have all the time we need. Let's go home.”

They quickly got up and looked around, making sure they didn't forget anything on that bench, and Tom was making an obvious effort to hold back his laughter, thinking of what Matt had just called him.  _ Baby _ .

“Baby?” Tom asked Matt, through the giggles finally leaving his mouth. “I'm… a baby?”

_ “My _ baby.”

“Matt, I’ll be all yours, but only when we get home. Let's go.”


End file.
